Bloom of death
by Ed lives in a bed
Summary: Legolas is in it so worth a look...


"Throughout the three year epic film trilogy by Peter Jackson that is "The Lord of the Rings", a certain handsome young elf received special attention, and now as a result there are many stories of admiration and love for this athletic and deadly fighter who shows great skill at arms".

"This, however, was not made out of dedication to that elf. This was written with pure malice, straight from the heart with deadly hatred. I give you "A Bloom of Death", a story dedicated to the more likely versions of Legolas's adventures in the Lord of the Rings"

Enjoy....

Death 1 – The Fellowship Of The Ring

Scene: The fellowship has just arrived in the Tomb of Balin a great Dwarves warrior slain in the defensive of the 'mines of Moria'. Pippin stupidly knocks off a skeleton of a fallen warrior and that rattles the alarm clock for the Goblins. They come in there hoards to diminish the enemy that has entered there caves. Once at the doors to the tomb Boromir spots an unpleasant guest to the dinner party, a Cave troll. They begin there battle with the reluctant enemy.......

Boromir: They have a cave troll!

Legolass: Ha that will be no problem!

The troll smashes his way through the crumbled doors and spots Gimli, he swings his mighty hammer but misses the small man, he attacks again hitting and killing his own side. Gimli has then attacked goblins and the troll spots him, he roars at the little toad and grins his teeth at him, having lost his hammer he swings a mighty chain at the Elf, the first attack being dodged elegantly then the second the same. Legolass moves close to a pillar and the troll smashes the chain at him hitting the pillar and getting it caught, he tugs at trying to free himself from the chain, but it is too late the Elf is making his way up the chain...........

.......so the trolls says,

Troll: "Bugger this..."

Grabs the pointy eared twat and snaps his arms in too two little pieces of spaghetti then eats them in front of him, he then rips off his legs and pretends to play drums with them on Balins tomb, seeing that this was annoying Gimli, so he gives a cheesy grin the throws Legolass in his mouth and munches on his bones.

Troll: "yum-yum me troll me want more food"

He looks at the rest of the fellowship and makes his way to Gimli. Gimli waits fir the rite moment the jumps thought the trolls legs and axes him in the back paralysing him rendering him useless!

Alternate Death 2 - The Fellowship Of The Ring

Scene: The fellowship have managed to defeat the cave troll and flee the tomb of Balin, they run into the massive Dwarf Halls of Dwarrodelf they then get surrounded by Goblins with nowhere to run, but a massive thud is herd in the deep, the Balrog has been awakened, but for our team this is good as the goblins flee giving the fellow ship enough time to scarper the reach the great stairs only to find that a huge chunk of the steps have been crumbled away leaving a jump of about 7 ft, Legolass goes first to jump then is followed by Boromir, while Boromir is helping the rest of the fellowship over, the cocky elf spots some archers on a balcony a way over a huge drop, He pulls out his bows and begins to fire with his eyes closed, he then pens them to find an arrow hurtling towards his beautifully powdered face.......SLAM! The arrows pierces him straight in-between the eyes, he falls backwards and is shot again in the stomach by another 20 archers, he is staggering back and forth and then give in and falls of the edge shooting towards the floor like a dead bird, WHACK, every bone crushed, and blood seeping from all pores until his heart stops beating.

Alternate Death 3 - The Fellowship Of The Ring

Scene: With there escape from Moria the Fellowship minus Gandalf who fell to the mighty Balrog make there way to Lothlorien from there they go to Amon Hen an ancient outpost once used by the Gondorians. While in Moria they come face to face with a new enemy mighty and powerful Uruks from Isenguard. With Aragorn fending for himself Gimli and Legolass here his cries for help and run to his aid, with Gimli arriving first because Legolass tripped over a twig on the way up he throws one of his axes at an Uruk, dropping him instantly he then swings at two more Uruks taking off there heads. Legolass finally arriving at the battle readies his bow and fires at an Uruk who jumps out of the way leaving the arrow to rebound off a tree and come shooting back towards Legolass who turns and cowers leaving the bow the penetrate his anus. Legolass jumps up and squeals like a little girl, but seeing to Uruks running towards him he forgets the pain and goes to pull out his daggers but being the moron he is he actually pulls out an arrow which snaps into when he tries to stab an Uruk warrior with it. They draw there swords and slowly move on Legolass being surrounded by the Uruks he cries for help but is not herd by Gimli or Aragorn,

Aragorn: "You here something Gimli?"

Gimli: "Not a thing Aragorn"

Legolass is left to the hands of the Uruks how run at him and slice of his head, they display it around to the rest of the group and then gobble it up.


End file.
